Just a few words: Turtle anatomy.
You can lick a turtle on its belly all you want, but all you'll get are slivers of algae and enough salmonella to pound into your head the reason why you shouldn't lick turtles. Observe:
That's Gamera (on whom that awesome turtle in the banner is based), and as far as I know, it and other turtles/tortoises don't unzip their plastron from the waist down to get some unf-unf going. Doing that will only result in their innards spilling out, making it for an unconsummated guro fest. Trust me, it ain't pretty.
Don't tell me you thought of my image banner as *gasp* that? Oh, heaven forbid! *frantically makes a sign of the cross*
Kudos to that precious few who actually said "you're doing it the wrong way" upon seeing my banner, and proceeded to try and educate me about actual turtle reproduction. I love you guys.
But to those who acted all innocent-like and ready to go all fire and brimstone, here's a useful pro-tip: it helps to get your own minds out of the gutter first before taking that "YOU'RE DISGUSTING" stance to avoid any painful embarrassment. It's not my fault that you watched too much porn, and of the wrong kind too. Well, so much for me being a pervert.
Though all things considered it would be better if some people just stopped being holier-than-thou in the first place, so they'd avoid crapping all over themselves.
I herd you liek licking turtles.
Today is, indeed, a nice day.