Why reading Cosmo is a bad idea, Part 1

Me: jesus. The things written in the Cosmo datebook
Him: Myah? What's written innit? D:
Me: there's a page dedicated on how to "get nooky-naughty"
Me: basically its tells the owner of the datebook to get screwed in the following places:

1. The Wild Outdoors
2. On a Hilltop at Sunset
3. The Beach
4. The Sauna
5. Behind the Waterfall
6. The Library

Him: Okay. D:
Me: not sure if want :[
Him: Obviously the writers never made love in those locations D:

1. Wild Outdoors = wild animals. Do not want.
2. Hilltop at sunset = danger of falling. Do not want.
3. The beach = sand. horrible sand. Do not want.
4. The Sauna = too darn hot. Do not want.
5. Behind the waterfall = bugs, dirt, infections, dirty water, the unknown. Do not want.
6. The Library = high chance of being caught and getting banned from it. Do not want.

Me: and we don't want to get banned from the library. There's still stuff I want to read.
Him: Sauna would be like having sex in HELL
Him: The author does not know how fucking hot a sauna can get
Him: And "fucking hot" is used in a way to convey temperature.
Him: Oh, and also, there's the risk of naked old men coming in.
Him: NAKED OLD MEN
Him: Yeah it'd be fucking romantic if you were trying to get the action going in a hellish sauna, and with wrinkly old dudes walking in and talking about their prostates.